We're all bachelors together
by Kracken l.w
Summary: The local Lady dogs are feeling lovey, and there are only two males around. What do Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha do in times like these? They run.
1. Default Chapter

**Here we go again!**__

_By Kracken L. W._

            Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru, or anything pertaining to the manga/anime. 

This is just a fan fiction. The definition of fan fiction is as follows: A **non-profit** story line based off an original 

Published/copyrighted idea. Now that we have that established, on with the fic. 

Inuyasha & Co. are traveling through a heavily forested area on their way to find Naraku when ….

            " Shut up monk." This was a normal enough occurrence that at first no one thought anything of it. Inuyasha was always that way. " I said SHUT UP you stupid lecherous bastard!!!!" That was a little surly even for him though, and got everyone's attention. Inuyasha stood a few feet behind the others, facing down their back trail, with both ears cocked straight forward in an intent listening pose. Suddenly Shippou sat straight up in Kagome's basket. He too appeared to be listening to something the others could not yet hear. Inuyasha suddenly uttered a soft curse, and sniffing the breeze that rustled the leaves overhead, suddenly broke out in cold sweat. "Shit, not again, not Now!" He growled something else under his breath as Shippou broke out laughing, "They're coming this way Inuyasha, You gonna run this time, or let them catch you?" The hanyou turned to glower at the little kitsune before he returned to his listening, sniffing, and muttering. "Feh! Running of course. That's what any SMART bachelor does." He tossed the remark over his shoulder as he strode quickly towards Kagome, muttering again as he went. Miroku and Sango caught the words "Bitches….Sesshoumaru …….Two weeks" as he passed. "You guys go back to the village, I'll meet you there in two weeks!" He shouted back at them as ran onward down the trail. "Inuyasha!" Kagome called after him, "Where are you going!?" "To find my brother!" "Eh? Why would he want to find Sesshoumaru?" she asked the others.

With Sesshy:

            Damn the half-breed! Where had he gotten too? They were never going to find a hiding place in time! He looked back over his shoulder once or twice as he hurried back to their usual meeting place. Anyone who knew him (A/N: or thought they did.) would have been surprised to see the mighty Sesshoumaru acting so, well, paranoid. But the scent that had prompted him to abandon Jaken and Rin had gotten stronger, and now he could hear their howls. "Fuck you Inuyasha, you'll just have to find your own hiding place!" "Fuck…*pant, pant*…yourself…*pant*…brother mine." Sesshoumaru turned back to see his little brother bent over in the middle of the clearing, bent over holding his side and clearly out of breath. " Too late to hide the way we normally do." He gasped, "They're right behind me. Gotta, get,  the staff." Sesshy stared at him like he'd lost his head. "Are you suggesting what I think you are?" just then the howls went ominously silent. The brothers stared at each other, eyes widened in horror. "No time for that!" Inuyasha gasped. "Run!". They took to the trees and fled.

Back with Kagome and the others:

            They were all staring at a maniacally giggling Shippou when three humongous white dogs burst out of the undergrowth behind them. "Where is he!" " We know he was here mortal!" " Stop stalling for time and tell us where he went!" While one spoke the other two were busy sniffing the ground. One suddenly gave a shrill yip off excitement and began to shoulder her way through the group. Right towards a still laughing Shippou. Fortunately for the fox demon, her maternal instincts were at their peak and all she said as she stepped over him was "Awwww, what a cute little fox!" before the whole pack of them descended on Kagome. "All right young bitch," the largest of them snapped as she changed to human form, "what's he to you and where did he go?" "Excuse me?!" Kagome couldn't believe her ears. "The half breed! The second son of Inutaisho! Who else?!" (A/N: These are female dog demons, in other words bitches, they aren't aware that it can be taken as an insult. To them it's on a par with "young woman". Inuyasha on the other hand knows damn well what it means on both sides, and uses it with both meanings.) " I might ask the same questions of you!" the girl bristled. The tallest and presumably oldest of the three just smiled at her tolerantly, the two younger demons weren't so serene. "I seek him because he can lead me to his brother, whom I would like for a consort. These two are pursuing him with the intent to catch him for the same purpose." "Yeah!" "So you can't have him slut!". The older one just shook her head at their outburst. Alienating the girl wasn't going to get them anywhere. "Excuse me." Said Sango, "but Inuyasha is a half-breed, I thought you all shunned them?" Their leader smiled again and Miroku couldn't help but notice how very beautiful she was. "Such an observant youngling, normally you'd be right, but as I said before, he IS Inutaisho's son; and, unfortunately, one of the only two male Inu youkai  for many days travel. the others are too far away, even for us." Miroku was sidling closer, apparently unnoticed. "Gracious Lady, if I may be so humble as to ask…." **Thwack!** "Ouch." "Don't mind him," Sango growled, glaring down at the semi conscious monk, "he's SUPPOSED to be a priest, but periodically he forgets and needs reminding." She kicked him in the side for good measure before turning back to lady youkai. Suddenly Kagome made up her mind. It was time to teach that boy a lesson in regards to what he preferred. Being actively chased or being left to make up his own mind. "Before he gets away ladies," she spoke mildly, "Inuyasha went that way." "We thank you." The three bowed gracefully, "In return for your help, should you ever need assistance, just hold onto this and ask for Dawn's Eyes." The leader handed Kagome a small elliptical pendant, set with the most beautiful piece of rose quartz she'd ever seen, inlaid with coral and a pearl of a very delicate pink. Then she and her companions reverted to their natural forms, and it was more obvious in this form how the lady demon had gotten her name. Her eyes were a deep pink, with hints of red and orange, and had a pupil the same color as the pearl. Against all that pure white fur, the effect was amazing. She began to regret sending these three in Inuyasha's direction. But it was too late; noses to the ground the three were off. Once again howling and yipping in their pursuit of their reluctant intendeds.

 End Chapter

Kracken: Sorry 'bout the whole switching back and forth thing, and it's not particularly funny yet either, but we'll come to that. Just setting the groundwork for the next chapter is all. Please remember to review so I know whether or not it's worth continuing to write this story.


	2. Are you sure you want to do that?

**Are you sure you want to do that?**

_By Kracken L.W._

_Disclaimer: I do not own the surly Inuyasha or the glorious (if somewhat vain and overconfident) Sesshoumaru; also known as Fluffy. These belong to the wonderfully insane Takahashi lady. The insanity in _this_ story is my own._

"Are you actually considering what I think you are?" This was, after all, not the time to risk a misstep through guessing wrong. The tree road had confused them for all of five minutes but it had given the fleeing brothers that much more leeway to make their escape. "Can you think of any other option? Besides, even if it isn't possible to bring the staff in after us, we can still give it to that toad thing of yours and hope they'll over look it. He certainly smells badly enough to cover our scent for us if we send him along our back trail." Sesshoumaru had one more question before he could let it rest. "What if the pearl is gone?" His brother flashed him a mischievous grin. "I know it is." Sesshy was so shocked that he missed the next branch and actually had to work to catch up.

            "Do you think they'll catch them?"  Sango shook her head absently, obviously distracted then shook it again with more vehemence as the question penetrated her preoccupation. "No, even if he acts like a complete dunce most of the time, Inuyasha is used to running away. He'd have to be, as well as being good at it, to have lived this long." That said she strode off towards the village, visibly returning to her previous ruminations. "What's up with her?" Shippou asked from the basket of Kagome's bike. "She just has a lot to think about." Kagome looked pityingly from Sango's retreating back to the just barely conscious Miroku. She sighed heavily as it occurred to her that she would be without Inuyasha's protection from his lecherous ways for two weeks. Oh well, she could always go home for a few days if he got to far out of line. She pushed off after Sango, leaving the monk to catch up when he could walk again.

            "What do you mean, you know it's gone?!" He demanded as they rounded a curve in the trail. "There's your toad thing and Rin, tell ya when we reach them." Sesshoumaru snarled, but kept running. He really didn't have much choice.  He said nothing to Jaken's querulous questioning, a single sharp look was enough to silence the hideous little monster. "Hey Bro?" He turned to look at his brother just in time to see two clawed fingertips aiming for his right eye. "Don't blink."  Inuyasha snickered at his brother's outraged face and held up his bloody claws. Resting between them was a single white pearl covered in gore. 

            A few minutes after they lost the scent, the ladies found an old goblin sitting on a rock while a little human girl bedecked him with daisy chains. "Rin make Jaken pretty!" This brought a chuckle from the demoness in the lead, and grins from the other two. It was going to take a lot more than a few flowers to make this Jaken creature anything less that grotesque, let alone pretty. The youngest smiled at Rin, she really wasn't all that interested in marriage. As a matter of fact, if her cousin hadn't been there to tattle to her parents, she would have abandoned this hunt to visit that cute cat demon she'd been seeing. He at least had a sense of humor. " Here little one, I, Moon Silver, shall help you." She smiled again as her family's special talent engulfed the unfortunate toad. When the magic subsided, Jaken was dressed as a geisha, make up, hair, shoes and all.

Rin fell down laughing and the others giggled in spite of themselves. He was without doubt the most ugly geisha ever to defile anyone's eyesight. "Your name small one?" Rin bit her lip and muttered "Sesshoumaru-Sama said not to talk to strangers."

"Where is Lord Sesshoumaru, so that he can introduce us?" Rin couldn't quite bring herself to lie, lying to nobles was bad. Sesshy-Sama said so. So Rin dissembled, which was okay according to her guardian. "He walked into a cloud." She smiled at them and pointed back down the road in the direction they had come from. "He was mad at his brother," she added "So he's gonna be grumpy." She warned. "Thank you child." They trotted off back the way they'd come, figuring on following the other two to the fugitives as soon as possible.

End Chapter 

(A/n: Sorry if this one sucked, I'm kind of pressed for time. Review any way. If you insist on flaming me, at least make it original. 'This is stupid' is NOT original.)


	3. Cards,dice, and good rice wine

**Cards, dice, and good rice wine.**

_By Kracken L.W._

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha; I don't own any of the characters from Inuyasha, or anything else worth suing for. Hell, I can't even claim ownership of sanity. So don't sue me, it isn't worth the legal bills.

"Hit me"

"Hit me again."

"Your turn."

"What did you say this game was called again?"

"I didn't, it's just a game I learned from Souta."

"MmHmm, that is the little brother of that human wench yes?"

"Yep."

"Hit me again"

Silence prevails for a while, until Inuyasha gets the card he's been waiting for.

"Damn it! You win again. If I didn't know you better I'd swear you cheat."

"Nah, 's just 'Breeds luck. Being a half blood has to be good for something after all."

"Bull shit."

"You're just a sore loser, pass the wine."

It was a typical mating season for the two bachelors. Stock up on wine and munchies, make sure your favorite dice are on hand, then find a good hiding place and wait 'til it's over. As soon as they stepped into the pearl, they found themselves in the otherworld of their father's tomb. This time though, they came out directly in his rib cage. Inuyasha set up a living area while Sesshoumaru dealt with his eye. Out of the brother's capacious sleeves came cards, dice, packets of dried meat and ramen noodles, a large thermos of water (snitched from Kagome's bag with the ramen noodles.), and skin after skin of some excellent rice wine. They were all set to go. They even had money on hand to wager with. What more can a bachelor want?

His master was acting weird again. For eleven months out of every year he alternately hated or refused to acknowledge his half brother. Then, for a week straight, he worried about where he was and if he could find him. Even stranger, he would disappear for two or three weeks at a time with his brother and come back and be perfectly amicable towards the half breed for anywhere from two days to a week! This time though, this time really took the cake. Not only did Lord Sesshoumaru forgive Inuyasha for poking out his eye, he actually complimented him for doing it! Now Jaken was under orders to take the strangely coruscating jewel to that horrible miko girl along with Rin and a few other things for safe keeping. As if that wasn't bad enough, those crazy Ladies had shown up looking for his lord, and dressed him like a woman! Not just any woman either. No, evil creatures, they had, ten thousand miseries, dressed him as a geisha! His Lordship was right to flee; gods (or the author ^___^) alone knew what they'd do next!

TBC…

Hee hee, poor Jaken. Daisy chains and women's clothing just are NOT his cup of tea. I hope this was better than the last one. Review and let me know. Adios, - Kracken 


	4. Insult to injury

**Insult To Injury**

_By Kracken L.W._

_Disclaimer: This is a fan-fic, short for fan fiction. Which means I do not own the story or characters that I'm currently mangling, so you can't sue me. Hah._

It had taken Jaken the better part of two days to convince Ah and Uhn, his master's two headed dragon mount, that they actually had to listen to him when the master was not present. As if it wasn't enough that he was nursing a very nasty double bite on his backside, he also had to remember the fact that it was Rin, and not himself, who had finally persuaded the recalcitrant beast to take them to a certain small village. That it was Rin, and not Jaken, that had figured out where that small village was, when Jaken got horribly lost. But worst of all, was the fact that it was Rin, and not the master's faithful, more experienced servant who had noticed that the lady demons, far from tearing off down a false trail, were in fact following them; and had seen the whole of Jaken's disgrace.

Not content merely to laugh from a distance, they came down off the ridge as soon as the Taiyoukai's three companions landed for the night; only three hours after they'd taken off in the first place. Ostensibly they came down to play with Rin, and according to the youngest one, to make sure Jaken was taking proper care of her. He knew they were lying of course. What they really came for was to try and trick him into revealing his master's whereabouts. The opportunity to torment him with subtle taunts about his appearance and general incompetence was just a bonus. When, oh _when,_ would that damn geisha spell wear off! It was now official, he hated women, of all ages and species. Now he finally understood his Lord's stubborn refusal to take a mate all too well.

Across the fire from the grouchy toad demon, Moon Silver sat in human form with Rin on her lap, supposedly guarding the camp; and making sure the ugly little goblin didn't try to give them the slip while the others hunted for dinner. " Lady Silver, Rin wants to ask, why are you looking for Sesshomaru-sama?" The demoness smiled and shifted the warm weight of the sleepy child to her other shoulder before answering. "Can you keep a secret Rin? I think you can. To tell the truth, I'm not looking for him. My eldest cousin, Lady Dawn, would like his Lordship for a mate, because then her children would eventually inherit the western lands. My other cousin, Moon Song, is more interested in Inuyasha; but only because she knows that with Lady Dawn's rank, beauty, and gracious manner, she herself doesn't stand a chance with his brother. I myself do not really like the idea of mating a male I've never met before for his rank alone. What do you think, little one?" Rin's response was lost in a huge yawn, and Moon Silver could not help but wish for a moment that Rin was Youkai, and her own child, and not a human whelp whose guardian was the coldest and most humorless male in the entire tribe; though the girl's presence spoke well for the absent Lord being a bit softer than rumor portrayed. Other's might call his sheltering of the waif a passing weakness, but she didn't consider it weakness, nor did she think of it as passing. Especially a moment later when she learned that the little girl was used to spending her nights on the road asleep in his Lordship's lap with her head on his shoulder, covered and warmed by his boa.

He might well be the pitiless, humorless tyrant rumor portrayed him as to adults, but at least he was kind the child. "Since your guardian is not here to hold you, and keep the hunters at bay, would you like me to stay with you tonight?" The whelp's eyes widened and she nodded slightly, somehow still giving the impression of a bow of respect. Silver smiled inwardly and then shifted the child off her lap. "Just a moment then, and we will both be more comfortable." When she had resumed her true form, she scraped together a pile of dry leaves between her paws, and then nudged Rin into the cozy nest before curling her bushy tail forward to act as a warm blanket. Rin fell asleep to the sound of a gentle canine croon, while Silver decided that that Jaken creature really was way to inept to care for a child, and that she was going to have to keep an eye on him until they found the girl a proper minder. It was either that, or teach him the basics of child care herself. She couldn't help but think of her dear Kit (A/N: I'm coming up dry for a name. Any suggestions for a male cat demon?); and wonder what their whelps, (or would they be kittens?) would be like… And that thought was immediately followed up by an image of her parents' faces as they tried, and failed, to keep invisible their horror at hearing she was pregnant, _by a CAT demon_, and therefore was quite out of the running for either of the Inu Taisho's sons. It was all she could do not to wake Rin with her laughter.

End Chapter.

A/n: I know, I know, long time no post. But please remember that if you kill me I'll never post again. On the other hand that might make some people happy, so please forget I said that. My internet is being unreliable and I'm squished between college and work so god alone knows when I'll update next. Reviews are appreciated, flames provide entertainment, so make 'em good peeps.


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